Lost?

In order to get on and write this book I have joined a writing group. And it's been a transformation to be able to talk with fellow writers. They have provided a fantastic support system and sounding board. This weekend we had our final seminar. One of the exercises was to write about something that we'd lost from our project. I sat down to think. How could one write about something not there.

Then suddenly my brain sprang into action. I had lost of the key themes I was supposed to be writing about. It's there in the text, but hidden away. The irony is that the missing theme is 'attention'. I hadn't been paying attention to myself.

As I travelled around Britain it struck me what social beings we are and how much we need the attention of others to thrive. People seem to write much more about individuality and selfishness than about sociability and our need for connection. It seems that this need for attention is built into us. I watched babies try to capture the attention of everyone. Trying to make eye contact with mothers distracted by phones and friends. But the babies seemed happy enough to try and find other people with whom to connect. The lady at the checkout, the person standing behind their mum. I wonder what impact the new double decker pushchairs will have. They may me feel claustrophobic to look at them.

It's funny that we are all taught how to present ourselves but not how to listen. I once wrote a paper about creativity, saying that it needs people to listen. But most people read 'listen' as 'talk'. Not the same thing. Perhaps it's the current fashion for treating life as a business. If we try and be productive and dynamic all the time then there is lots of talking and much less listening.

I realise that in writing this blog post, I am talking rather than listening. It is one of the strange paradoxes of this new world of technology that there are more opportunities to talk but fewer people with time to listen.

But we all know how nice it is when someone else really listens and pays attention to us. And most can tell the difference between the apparent listening of customer service standards and the real listening. For someone to pay attention is to acknowledge you. You the person. I have a hunch that many of the most disruptive in society are those who feel that they are invisible and unvalued by society. The need for attention is so strong that even scorn is better than being ignored.

But there was I not paying enough attention to myself. So what is it within you that needs a little more attention?